So, a couple of weeks ago I took the plunge and set up a Facebook profile. I am gradually learning the ins and outs of cyber-social networking. It's interesting, but hardly breathtaking. I have connected - or "friended" in the new lingo - several former students and it is great to be a bit closer, at least in terms of daily information, with them. And I have discovered that a few other folks, faculty members and old friends, my own age have ventured into the new medium, which, it seems to me, is clearly dominated by twenty-somethings.
I mention this because social networking is gaining some attention in the media. Yesterday I chanced upon this article in The Telegraph, and when I got home and opened the pages of the most recent New Yorker there was this Talk of the Town column on the same subject.
The Telegraph piece suggests that internet social networking is not really changing the way the real social world (if we can call it that) works. We may make all sorts of acquaintances online, but our most important and vital friendships are those we experience face-to-face:
The circle of friends of internet users is expanding vastly,
with some acquiring millions of new pals as if they were collecting action
figures, stamps or collectables.
However, the overwhelming majority are merely nodding
cyberacquaintances and the number of core friends remains mostly unchanged, at
only around five people, according to a new survey....
...
Despite this extraordinary flux of making and breaking
friendships, the actual number of close friends "is approximately the same as in
the face to face world," said Dr Reader.
There are "good evolutionary reasons" why this should be. Making
friendships means investing time, even money, in another person. To ensure that
investment is worthwhile, face to face contact is invaluable, he said. But "it
is very easy to be deceptive on the internet."
Of all the sites, the majority - 90 per cent - of close friends
have been met face to face. "Face to face contact is a requirement for intimate
friendships."
It would seem, then, that we are not yet at a point where Confucian notions of sociability have become irrelevant. We still need direct contact with one another, and we need to invest time (Confucius would de-emphasize the money thing...) with one another, to create avenues for the expression of our Humanity. Here is Analects 12.24:
Master
Tseng said: “The noble-minded use cultivation to assemble friends, and friends
to sustain their Humanity.”
While, for Confucians, our family obligations are primary, we need friends, face-to-face friends, to fully enact and extend our Humanity in the world. And, in a way, Facebook friending may facilitate this kind of Humanity. In the little time that I have used it, I have already been able to see that friends can communicate their feelings and states of mind (by updating their "status"). I can know if someone is especially stressed at work, or feeling sad for some reason, or celebrating some happy event. And I can then respond accordingly. Granted, such interactions are rather remote and removed, they are not face-to-face, but they can have some meaning. Getting a little note of encouragement on a bad day from an internet friend, something that social networking makes possible, could be a nice little lift.
Confucius, I believe, would have a Facebook page. But he would not friend just anyone:
The Master said: "Above all, be loyal and stand by your words. Befriend only those who are kindred spirits. And when you're wrong, don't be afraid to change (9.25, 1.8)
Other translators have rendered that "kindred spirits" line a bit more sharply; here is the Ames/Rosemont text: "...Do not befriend anyone who is not as good as you are..." That could lead to some awkwardness. Imagine responding to a Facebook friend request with: "no, thanks, but you're not as good as me..." But, still, I think Confucius would be in the game and online.
Notice, too, his concern with "standing by your words." Hard to know if all of your internet friends are doing that. The possibilities of spoofing and dissembling are great, indeed, online. Confucius might then counsel that if you catch out a "friend" deceiving you, it may be time to "defriend" him or her.
The New Yorker piece is rather more apprehensive:
The peril in getting to know classmates on the computer is that
incoming undergraduates may forget how to do so in real life. That was
the thinking behind “Facebook in the Flesh,” a seminar held during
N.Y.U.’s freshman orientation. “Meeting new people face-to-face can be
. . . intimidating,” a brochure read. “This fun, interactive workshop
will get everyone talking as we build social networks in person.” The
session took place at the Kimmel Center—it was scheduled at the same
time as “Dude, Where’s My Class?”—and drew about thirty-five students,
who spent the initial minutes sitting side by side in uncomfortable
silence. Eventually, two girls struck up a conversation and realized,
to their delight, that they were both from Long Island. (“Suffolk
County?” “Me, too!”)
I don't see this as a problem created by, or unique to, Facebook social dynamics. The start of college has always been awkward. There are always more shy people who feel uncomfortable being thrown into a new and unknown social setting; and there have always been those more garrulous types that take to such situations with elan. Facebook doesn't change that much. Indeed, it might help, to some degree, by providing an introduction to some people before a face-to-face encounter, creating some basis for common conversation: "Oh, I see from your Facebook profile that you are a Yankees fan. So, am I..."
On balance, then, my initial sense is that Facebook is not destroying the social interaction necessary for Confucian Humanity. It may even promote it. And Confucius himself has some advice that we all might keep in mind as we friend and, at times, defriend, one another:
Confucius said: There are three kinds of friends that bring profit, and three kinds that bring ruin. Forthright friends, trustworthy friends, well-informed friends: these bring profit. Obsequious friends, compliant friends, clever-tongued friends: these bring ruin." (16.4)
UPDATE: Chris Panza weighs in with a Confucian critqiue of Facebook.
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